When I was a freshman, I went to every event I could get my feet to and spoke to almost everyone in my path. I wanted people to find me and to know me. I went to many late night drives to get food with classmates. I have spent time with people exploring fictional worlds through movies, taking in trivia about film’s premises, and met everything I could with enthusiasm. I did things because I love the people who do them. I value them.
College years are often characterized by someway by pushing your limits and defining them, making errors while seeking freedom, and in some ways being surprised where you end up.
Every so often, I think…how did I get here? By God’s faithfulness.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about “how did I get here” and wishing away the creeping thought of “how long will I stay here”. In my reflections, I have been brought little thoughts from history, the story of my life and His faithfulness.
Life and college is about losing some of yourself and finding yourself.
In the quietness of morning and the stillness sometimes caused by a dulled mind from a day of necessary work, I come to realizations of my quirks and why I have them. I laugh and think “no one could be more ‘me’ “. When I was younger, I sometimes thought of that as a negative thing. Now I am trying to own my uniqueness. When people try to label it, maybe they’re trying to understand.
I have backed away from attending everything. I realized that self-care requires time to be aware of my thoughts and take care of my mind. I also have another reason for why I have removed myself some. Living from my heart has left a few metaphorical scars and bruises. Just like we knew when growing up, people move away and change schools, and some friendships end and you never know why. Though I think it is important to love, I think it is wise to do so by guarding one’s heart with their mind. Not going to everything has given me time to love what I study even though all the time I spend with it tires me. I have gotten to think about people, places, and times I would have otherwise forgotten and thank God for them. I would sometimes check on them and ask, “how did they get there?” but then again I know, by His faithfulness.
As one’s mind is home to much comfort, fears, memories and hopes, I’m thankful for this season where I can find myself in the stillness. In the stillness, You are here.